Funny Quotations

Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste the sky as well as the earth --Henry David Thoreau

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready --Henry David Thoreau

It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours. - Harry S Truman

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. ~William James

"The most rewarding things you do in life are often the ones that look like they cannot be done." - Arnold Palmer

When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere. - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up. - W. Somerset Maugham

Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

Confusion is always the most honest response. - Marty Indik

Fran Lebowitz - "Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep."

James A. Baldwin - "People are trapped in history and history is trapped in them."

Samuel Goldwyn - "A wide screen just makes a bad film twice as bad."

Bill Cosby - "Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry."

Fred Allen - "An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission."

George Burns - "Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."

George Bernard Shaw - "We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future"

Mark Twain - "The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter."

A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and then says them about other people. - Peter McArthur

Finance is the art of passing money from hand to hand until it finally disappears.- Robert W. Sarnoff

Don't try to solve serious matters in the middle of the night. - Philip K. Dick

H. L. Mencken - "Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too."

Abraham Lincoln - "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."

Mark Twain - "Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please."

Thomas Jefferson - "In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock."

Some people complain because God put thorns on roses, while others praise Him for putting roses among thorns.

A person's true character is revealed by what he does when no one is watching.

Although the tongue weighs very little, very few people are able to hold it.

Falling down doesn't make you a failure, but staying down does.

Don't be afraid of pressure. Remember that pressure is what turns a lump of coal into a diamond.

Even a woodpecker owes his success to the fact that he uses his head.

The poorest of all men is not the man without a cent but the man without a dream.

The only preparation for tomorrow is the right use of today.

People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

Temper is what gets most of us into trouble. Pride is what keeps us there.

The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little "extra."

The heart is the happiest when it beats for others.

One thing you can learn by watching the clock is that it passes time by keeping its hands busy.

You are alive..... when tomorrow's hope means more to you than yesterday's mistake.

Problems are easier to create and multiply that by 20x or more then you have your solution.

"Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy—the mother. " – Claudette Colbert

The place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum.

People find life entirely too time-consuming.
- Stanislaw J. Lec

"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
- Rita Rudner

Evita Peron - "When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas."

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
- Lily Tomlin

“Men marry because they are bored. Women marry because they are curious. Both are disappointed”.

Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.
- Henry Kissinger

Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice.
- George Jackson

"If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door." - Paul Beatty


Samuel Smiles - "The shortest way to do many things is to do only one thing at once."


Joe E. Lewis - "There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty."


After one look at this planet any visitor from outer space would say "I want to see the manager." - William S. Burroughs

A man's face is his autobiography,a woman's face is her work of fiction.
--No, I didn't tell this, It's Oscar Wilde!

Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need. Will Rogers

Jay Leno - "Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day."

George Carlin - "The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going."

Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you. Spanish Proverb

George Burns - "Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed."

Rain is falling unless it's the God's tears after watching 'Kyonki saans bhi kabhi bahu thi!'


And life goes on and on....